Now that you’ve gone
I remember you in gentle pictures
Funny little vignettes that mean
Nothing, and yet they are everything
At least to me, the way that you
Sounded on the phone.
Sometimes I’d forget that you were
A Londoner, but then you’d call and
Say ‘hello darling,’ and I’d remember
What a charmer you always were
And how we’d leave you for a moment
To come back and find you with
Another lady on your arm
Although you did love only her.

But these memories are so brittle
That when I try to touch them
I worry that they’ll shatter,
And how can I put you together again
After five long years?
I can still see your face and hear your
Voice, but it doesn’t stop me from
Missing you, and wishing that you
Were back here, because you believed
In me, and I have no faith in myself.
I can catch your face but not the love
You showed me, the kindness, and the pride
That gave me a value and a worth
That because I was your granddaughter
I could do anything, the world was mine
And you would do anything in your power
To let me have it, and to make me thrive.

These years have been hard years
But I hope you still would be proud.
I didn’t know where I was going
For so long I was lost, I needed you,
But you weren’t there.
I craved the kindness of your words,
The warmth of your voice, and I think,
I worry, and I fear, that I do not
Live up to the person you made me
Feel I could be, that I could take on
The world and win, because you
Showed me how although your road
Was littered by potholes, awful obstacles,
You were able to succeed, and you lived,
Overcoming the impossible and I hope
That I can emulate your resilience
All of your calm and your strength.
And when I think on that you are more
Than just a picture, you are a talisman,
And your strength and your love still
Guide me, and all the dreams you
Held for me, they will be realised.
I will step into the mould you
Carved for me, and live the memories,
Me in you, and I in me.


Rose Staveley-Wadham